grace

I think sometimes what I miss the most about home is the grace there. And my people. Trusting them to love me and to care. Trusting them with myself. It’s hard when you’re somewhere new and you’re not sure just how much of you people want to see or hear. If they want the neat, tidy, presentable version of you or if they want all the gory, messy, mundane details.

I think family is one of God’s greatest gifts to us. It’s really my saving grace. I’m glad He’s helped us to hang on. In this world where family is not safe, not often fought for. He gives us the grace to make it. I’m not sure who I’d be without them.

I’m the most myself when I’m with my dad. That’s when I’m really Tasha, through and through. And my mom. She’s my anchor. She’s there for the really hard times, she holds me through the darkness and then helps me to get back up on my feet. My sister. God gave me the greatest. She helps me to smile. Together we feel unstoppable. Travis. I think my heart has the heaviest burden for him. He’s taught me so much. I wish my heart was as good as his. I hope his heart makes it.

I have this fierce, protective love for them. I used to be afraid that I loved them too much. That God would get jealous and take them away from me. But I think my love for them is because of Him. Because we push each other closer to Him. They help me to love Him better. We’re so far from perfect. We each have our own darkness. I think if we were left alone, it might swallow us up. We’re so unlovable without grace. But every once in a while, we do grace right. And when we do, it makes us beautiful.

Grace.

It hardly exists today. We don't have patience for imperfection. But in the same moment, we’re waiting on the edge of our seats for it. To be let down. To be disappointed. We count on it. We revel in it. In other’s failures. While we justify our own.

I wonder what it would be like if we were all a little more forgiving, compassionate, gentle. If we had a little more give, a little less take. Maybe we wouldn’t be afraid to show ourselves to others. Instead we hide. Our flaws. Our unacceptables. Our innermost self. And the more time we spend hiding, the more hardened we become. As our humanity slowly slips away. As our hearts shut down. As our souls silence. And our thoughts turn.

I think that’s how we’re supposed to blow the world away. With our grace. With the outrageous way we love. The crazy way we forgive. I think that’s what made Jesus so unstoppable, so remarkable. He turned the world upside down with the way He gave grace to the unlovable. To the tax collectors and adulterers and betrayers. I think it’s the ingredient that’s missing in us. In the way we treat each other, in the Church, in the family. We could take the world by storm with the way we love, if we remembered it. Grace.