Question.

In the heart of every person is a question. And behind that question burns every hope and fear. We were given it so that we would find Him. But we don't always ask Him, we ask them.

Am I good enough; are you the missing part of me?

I bend over backwards asking the question, trying to find the answer. The search is in every new hair style and pair of jeans. It's in the way I put on mascara and lip gloss and practice my smile in the mirror.

Maybe if I look this way, that person will notice. And maybe if I laugh this much, if I act like I'm really happy, then someone will want to dig deeper. If I pull my hair back and wear dark colors, I'll be taken more seriously. Maybe I'll be good. Maybe then someone will fill the empty part of me.

Don't eat that, it'll be on your hips in hours. Sit this way, your thighs will look half the size. Wear heels, you'll look longer. And don't forget to put your shoulders back.

Check your hair after the wind blows. Make sure your skirt is straightened. Don't wear yellow, it washes you out. Always carry lotion.

And still, it's not quite right.

Run farther. Tan longer. Eat less sugar. Shop more.

And then I see Him. In a sunset, in a Church family, in a prayer. And I feel Him. In a hug, in the night air, in my soul. And I hear Him. In the Scripture, in a baby's sleep, in a laugh.

I throw on old clothes and pull my hair into a pony tail. Roll the windows down and sing too loudly. Buy a box of chocolates and lay outside with a blanket and the stars.

Because for a while, I've found my answer. I am good in Him. And He is the missing part of me. I won't remember this forever. Soon I'll try to find a different answer to my question. But my search will always lead me back to Him. And He'll always be there with my answer.

"When I was young
I did it my way
I did it my way and I still do
Held my head up high
Asking God for answers and begging him to tell me what to do

And when you love me, you love me well
When I'm with you I lose myself
There's nothing more I would rather do
Than spend the rest of my life loving you"

Rosie Thomas, "I Play Music"