I love those moments when you feel completely close to yourself. When your heart and your mind and your soul all seem to be on the same page. And your whole body, from your toes to your eyes, is serenely one. The scars and circles and bags from the hard night have been erased by sleep and resting in the knowledge that Jesus is with you.

This week has seemed so long. The bright spots have been really bright. And the dark spots have been really dark. I love this time of year. My kids are praying for different things. For wiser things. They're beginning to talk out problems. To really hug each other. I hope that they hang on to it. It's so easy to lose.

Life slammed me this week. I'm trying to find that balance: between bending and breaking. It usually comes out of no where- life. One day all seems right and then then next you aren't sure which way is up. You go from running to focusing on breathing. In and out. And then you wonder if breathing is really that important. And that's when you know you need Him. To reel you back in, to set you right side up, and to clear your head.

It's so easy to say the right things. And so hard to think the right thoughts. Words get thrown all over the place. And their meaning gets tossed with them. This is what I don't want to happen: I don't want to stop trusting. This is what I'm unsure of: how to trust wisely. What that looks like. Too many people my age get hung up in skepticism and cynicism. And it's so unattractive. I don't want to be jaded by life. I don't want to be too smart for love. But at the same time, I don't want to let the bad in.

But I don't think that's how it works. I think that's why love is so valuable. Because it costs something. And it's risky. But I think it's worth it. I want it to be. And so I can either trust that it is out there, imperfect and painful and beautiful, or I can save my heart. And lose my beat.

Love is so hard. Because it goes hand in hand with grace. And forgiveness. And trust. But love is what colors life. It's what really counts. It's who He is. And so love is the greatest of all. It's our banner, held high. And when we raise His banner, we raise ourselves. Out of the muck and mire of life and into the Kingdom.

I think when we're young, it's easier. But as we get older, we focus on the down. And we forget how to give ourselves. We forget how to share. I can take little steps. Little things daily that soften my inside. Maybe it means spending time with Him. Or with children. Or outside, in the kitchen, with the dog. Really smiling at the clerk. Meaning it when you tell someone to have a nice day. Taking time to remember names and faces and eyes. And after a while big things seem smaller. So that eventually, living in love is a way of life. And bending becomes part of your dance with it.