I want to grow old with you.

I can't think of the word that describes what I'm feeling right now.  But I can tell you that if I could do anything in the world, I would throw a nightie and my face soap in a bag and check into a hotel somewhere, anywhere.  And I would eat ice chips and drink bad coffee and raid the vending machine for a few days.  Just for a few days.  Sometimes it's nice to have your bed made for you.

This week has put me over.  Little things at first.  Piling, piling up.  And then some bigger ones.  And now everything little seems big and everything big seems monstrous with teeth.  And on and on and God.  Why in the world did I wish away childhood and why, why, why don't they tell you in school that the book part of life is not what is so important.  And that you can't pull an overnighter to meet that deadline.  There aren't sparknotes and formula sheets and study guides.  No.  This is life.  This is puddle sloshing, nail biting, Miss and Mister, health insurance life.  Have fun with those bunk beds and microwaves.  Wear a smile when you cross that stage, breath a sigh of relief when you throw your cap.  And then wake up the next day wondering where the cafeteria is and why there are no skips allowed for your seven to four days.

The beautiful thing about life is that you aren't alone.  Not that being alone is so bad.  Sometimes it's the only thing that makes you right again.  No.  You get to grow old with people.  With the lady who always sits next to you in the second from the back row on the left side.  And the friend that you get together with every Wednesday for pie and iced tea and a play by play of your days.  And with your sister who is twenty three hours away if you're going seven over the speed limit.  And then there are the other people.  The ones you give some time to but not enough to really count.  The ones who fade away with life's changes.  You might have fun for a while, but you're slowly realizing that fun isn't what it's about.  And that it's the Sunday morning, Wednesday afternoon, three hour phone conversation people that really pull you through life.


And so when life seems to be completely up in the air high out of your reach, it's those people who you've been growing with that catch reality and bring it back down.  They're the ones who help to set the world straight again.

He hasn't made small, indecisive lives.  Because He has big plans for you, baby girl.  Find the ones who know that.  The ones who know Him.  And grow old.

Then when you wake up in the middle of the night and can't stop thinking about the things you need to do and the things that you did do but incorrectly, you'll have someone to drag you out of it.  Someone to talk you to sleep and pray you to peace and point you to Him. 

Be bold.  And very very courageous.  For the LORD your God is with you.  Always.