Tonight I would like to drive until I hear the ocean.  To dig out a cozy, body hugging spot in the sand and wear my red knit hat and no shoes.  To let the waves drown out my thoughts.

Tonight I would like to fall asleep with my sister.  To fall asleep laughing and close to someone.

Tonight I would like to hear the answers to my questions.  To cry worthy tears. And to feel better for them.

I would like tonight to be about me.  I would like tonight to be about anything but me.

My mother is coming soon and that is good.  The hard part about this path I am on is balancing.  It's tricky alone.  I didn't realize how very tired I am.  

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind.  After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in  the earthquake.  After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.  And after the fire came a gentle whisper.   1 Kings 19:11-12