How to walk this weary land.

Tasha, I want to go home but I'm not sure where it is.  And I have a question.  Do you know who you are?  Cause I haven't quite found myself yet and I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not.

Home is inside of you babe.  Even on the days you feel empty, it's there.  Home is in your soul.  Some days I know myself better than I know how to breathe.  And some days I'm a complete stranger, but I can tell you this.  I know myself best when I spend time with Him.  

I have been dying to see Alice in Wonderland.  I tried to go last night, I even wore a dress and clicky shoes and made the drive to a theater that makes me feel normal for a few hours.  There is a cheesy Christian radio station that I jammed out to.  The songs take me back to childhood and it is the closest that I feel to family when I'm away.

I was very excited about the movie and made myself promises about popcorn and sugary treats.  But on the way I passed Borders and I couldn't just pass.  I'll only spend a few minutes in there.  Only a few.


There's a new book out, a collection of Mother Theresa's prayers and words and I have been dying to read it.  Apparently I have been dying to do a lot of things.  So an over-sized latte later, I dialed home.  And I sat in the small cafe, on a Saturday night, and talked to my parents. 

I told them about the girl who is searching, searching.  About my kids who have stolen my heart.  And about the people in this town, the way they challenge me to stay when it makes more sense to run.

Would you think I'm crazy?  Would I be crazy?   Because sometimes I feel a bit crazy.

But I think my life is not my own.  And I can feel Him in my soul, I can feel his burning love for the people here.  And dad, I think I'm supposed to love them.  I think that's all I am supposed to do.  Does that make sense?  

I sat there for a while.  Just thinking about it all.  Because I know something else too, I know that He is foolishness to this world.

Fool.  I roll the word around in my mind.

I think about my friends who are where I thought I would be.  The ones who made it there, and I picture myself there too.   But it doesn't sit well.  If I was there, I wouldn't be here.  I wouldn't be okay with evenings alone, I wouldn't know that a child's prayer is the sweetest sound there is, I wouldn't understand His crazy, impractical love.

Fool, fool, fool.

There is much suffering in the world- very much.  But I still think that the greatest suffering is being lonely, feeling unloved, just having no one.

In these times of development, the whole world runs and is hurried.  but there are some who fall down on the way and have no strength to go ahead.  These are the ones we must care about.

-Mother Teresa