Today is my sweet cousin's birthday.  I went to Tae Kwon Do class with him and he taught me a combo kick number one that sounded like it was off The House of Lee's menu, which I desperately miss.  It was good to laugh.  And there's something really great about feeling foolish without caring about it.

I would like to fall in love someday.

I think that's probably normal.

I'm not in any rush, I really don't mind waiting.  I do a fairly good job of being single.  And there are parts of it that I enjoy.

Many parts.

But there are a few things that are a bit of a  nuisance.  Like traveling alone.  It gets old after a while.  Especially when you end up between two strangers on the plane.

But I can handle that.

The two that are harder, I haven't quite figured out yet.

The first is messy.  Life tosses garbage into your lap every day.  And at the end of the day it's still there, staring back at me.  When I'm smart, I talk to Him about it.  But I'm not always smart.  And sometimes it would be nice to have a physical person there to hand it off to.

But the second problem is bigger than trashy days.

It's the one that brings out my on-edge crazy laugh when I'm talking to my sister.  And it goes like this: there are some things that boys say and think that would never enter my mind.  There are some really good, strong things.  And I need that. 

I've always had great men in my life.

But here's the problem.  It's tricky.  The older you get, the trickier it is.  And I have never been overly good at balancing.

I think that it is easier to form certain kinds of attachments today.   Not the I'm going to drop by and stay for dinner kind.  The I'll text you later, chat you up kind.  And then ideas go crazy because things are ambiguous and faceless and it's just hard to know where you stand when you are staring at a screen.

I do not want to be an emotional affair in someone's head.  

I don't want one of those in mine either.  And there is great potential for that.

So that is my problem.  I need them in my life.  But I do not always like being seen as a woman.  Sometimes I'd like to be seen as a friend.  Sometimes not, but that is a different problem for a different time.

Tough cookies right?

I was late in everything.  My sister was born early.  And so in this kind of thing, she has years and years on me.  Tasha, just be clear and stop holding back.  I like your crazy laugh. 

I have trouble with clear. 

But, I'll work on that too.  Or maybe I'll just stay in with my Easter candy and Monk.  He's does safe wonderfully well.