I am not quite done being a child.

I'm not sure I will ever be.

I think Jesus keeps me young.  And for that I am grateful.  I've been reading through John.  It's my favorite book, I love the intimacy of its words.  I love Jesus through John's eyes.

I just got back.  I came home to snow floating in the air and an icicle hanging off of my car.  Welcome, welcome.  But I don't mind.  Spring can not be far off.  And I love spring.

I decided that every day I am going to be new.  I want no old days.  No tired, same as yesterday days.  And so I have been venturing out. 

I tried this: a delicious tofu cupcake with lavender lemonade.

It was tasty.

I had a morning alone and I went to a breezy sunny cafe for some time with Him.  I get a little lost in my head when I've been away for too long.  And it was beginning to be too long.

He is who makes me new everyday.  Every single blessed day.

I try to journal every day, even when it feels like I have nothing to write.  Because there are still parts that need to be written down.  And it helps.

April 8

It is my last day here and I am sitting in a place called Gypsy Den drinking a strawberry lemonade.

I have on capri and a sweater and I am not dressed right.  I smile because I know that it does not matter what I wear here, it would not be right.  And that feels like freedom.

I just bought a bright blue silk umbrella with flowers on it and I am half hoping for rain.  Half.

This trip has me thinking on home.  There is something surreal about being on the outside of someone else's homecoming.  I watch and think, Oh!  I remember what it feels like to laugh with my mother.  I remember those obligated visits with the strange ones who seem to be unavoidable and in spite of it all, endearing.  I remember waking up to breakfast and questions and morning hugs.

I am trying to talk my sister into moving in with me.  Come North, I say.

She says she has school and jobs and responsibilities.

I tell her that if she moves here we will have the best collection of hair products and sundresses this side of the Mississippi.  I tell her to do the right thing.

She signed up for the next set of classes.

I still think that great hair and sundresses will take her further.  That's what I believe.

Actually I don't.  But part of me wants to.  Because at least life would feel lovelier that way.  Less black and white, true and false.

I bought three dresses with that silk umbrella.

One of them I would like to wear on a sail boat.  It's that kind of dress.

The other is short and bouncy and makes me feel twelve again.  Before the world began to teeter.

And the last is full of ribbon and angles.  It reminds me that I love art. It makes me feel like art when I am wearing it.

Surprise!  My something new for today.
I feel french.
I might start speaking in a phony accent and wear nothing but stripes and scarves.
I am having too much fun.

Oh.  And Abbie is awesome for sending me this SWEET shirt.  Happy birthday to me!