I'm feeling temperamental tonight.

I went on a rampage at the local bookstore and spent a fortune.

The girl I'm staying with- she's grounded.  In every possible way.  And that means I am too.  I've made it through two weeks,  but I'm barely hanging on.

Being grounded is brutal.

It's my first time ever and I'm going batty.

I've been through stacks and stacks of books.  I take naps every day.  And watch unhealthy amounts of House and Criminal Minds.  The days are all running together into one, massive, never-ending rainy evening.

Did I mention it's Friday night?  And that it's been two weeks?

I've been called a hermit before, but this is ridiculous.  I'll be the most social butterfly if you'll just let me out.  I promise.  I'm starving here.

On top of that.  Which is a LOT.   I've been bottling.  I realized it this morning because I finally heard the angry words inside of me pushing for their chance to get out.

Hence the book store rampage.

And then.  I snapped at God.  I was sitting in the coffee shop listening to whining, shrieking, running wild children and I lost it in my head.

Really God?  I have forty-five minutes.  That's it.  Forty-five minutes to sip my latte and read myself out of this world before I have to pick her up and you've sent these raggedy little screamers to torment me?

While we're at it, what's going on anyways?  You know what I'm talking about.  Why now?  And how, how in the world am I supposed to pull that together in time without falling flat on my face?

My dad tried to help this morning.
Well Tasha, you know that whatever you do, He'll make it good.

I laughed.
Is that all you have dad?  I need a little more than that.  How about a nice yes or no answer.  I'd really like one of those.


Just pray daughter.  Pray hard.

Shoot.

The one thing I've been hiding from.

I'm not good at nice little God bless this food and thank you for the sun prayers.  When I pray I end up either sobbing or yelling.  My face gets blotchy, my stomach gets knotty, and my hands get sweaty.

It's quite the experience and almost always requires kleenex and a hot bath after.

I just can't talk to Him and not connect all of the way.  And when I've been building inside, I know.  This is going to take a while to sort out with Him.  This isn't going to be one of those hurried five second prayers before bedtime.  This is going to be a battle.

Good thing I'm grounded.