Most days I feel like a pioneer.
My friends call this place the last frontier. 

I think that's why I fell for it. 

There's something addicting about it all.  Something exhilerating and frustrating.  But it's the kind of place that is better when you're with someone.  It's the kind of place that I would like to come back to someday.

Yesterday I put on a pair of boots and tried my hand at gardening with some friends.  We tossed clods and dug holes and cleared misfits like we were born for it.  We spoke in our best country voices.  We wrestled roots.  I wore flannel.  Life felt right for the first time in a while.

I'm going to miss it.  Ever since I can remember I've kept time with a slower watch than the world around me.  Here, I was given a chance to catch up.  Here, the oldest and youngest parts of me mixed inside and made peace with each other.

I'm no longer afraid of growing up.  And I'm no longer tired of being young.

I'm sailing through the inky undefined sea that swallows so many with its quick answers and empty escapes.  I'm sailing through and I'm going to make it to the other side.

I'm not nervous about mistakes. But I can't bear to make a decision because I'm tired.  Because I can't see past the moment.

Lately I've watched a lot of girls break down.  Break down because they're alone and they want to know what it is that is wrong with them.  Something snaps in me.  When I see their uncertainty, their self critical looks.  I can hear their thoughts.  It's because my hips are so wide or my laugh is an octave too high.  Maybe it's because I'm not enough fun.

Something snaps in me. Stop it.  There is nothing wrong with being alone.  Somewhere out there there's someone who hasn't found who he's looking for either.  And look at you.  You're not giving in, you're making it.  And you're strong enough to make it.

Just don't stop now.

Put flowers on the table.  Take a picnic up the mountain.  Find a quiet spot in the busy city.  Get away.  Spend some time with Him.  Listen to the way He loves you.  Listen to Him.