People do not know how dangerous love songs can be. James Joyce

There was a time when I couldn't read those books or watch those movies and when the inside of my car was as silent as my heart.  There was a time when I was afraid of completely disappearing.

I've pulled out of it.  But the thing about breaking is that you realize how easy it all is.  That before you know what's happened, you've poured all of your hopes and heart onto someone.  And then one day that someone is gone or one day you really look at him and realize underneath all of your fabricated hopes and desires that you've forced him to wear there's a real person.  A person who is a stranger to you.

The hardest part is not punishing yourself.  It's giving yourself the freedom to break again because now you know.  Breaking is as deeply a part of love as laughing is.

And you know one more thing.  There's life after breaking.

One of my friends teases me.  He says that summer is a time for romance and that this summer is my time.

I laugh.  It sounds lovely when he says it.  But it's impossible.  I've realized that I can't stomach things that will end soon.  It's in my nature to hang on.

My dad and I bike so that we can spend time together.  I called him to tell him that I biked my second mountain and he was proud of me.  He didn't ask how long it took, he just asked how the top was.  Because he knows me- I'm not fast, but I can go forever.

My brother phoned to tell me that he met someone.  You'd really like her.  She's a teacher and she doesn't stay out late.  She's tall and not too skinny and she loves Jesus.

It's been a long time since he's loved someone.  He would say that there weren't any girls worth knowing.  But he's excited and giving it a chance and that has me thinking.  Just a little.

I meet with my cousin in the summer.  She's going into Sixth Grade so she's going into the hard years.  We talk about the way life changes and how to understand what's happening around you.  We've ended up at the beach a few times and after we're done using our words we lay on our towels and bury ourselves in books.  I was reading in Thessalonians because it's been a while and I couldn't help getting excited.

Listen to this Hannah.  Oh, and look at this.  Can you imagine?  What if someone said that about us?  

Whenever my heart gets that ache in it, He's the only one who can take it away.  I think that will never change, I'll always have that hunger that silly flings and even the world's greatest romance won't be able to meet. 

I'll always need Him.