We drove the rest of the way with broadway soundtracks blaring and our voices passionately singing along.

The land flattened out and the trees started to disappear.  So we turned the music up louder.  And sang along with Henry Higgins and Sandra Dee.

I arrived at an empty house.  My parents are in Mexico, celebrating their steadiness.  So it's just me.  And the dog.

I ate popcorn for dinner and called my sister.  Please come.

We stayed up late, talking about loves.  Happy to be in the same house again.

This morning I went to chapel with her.  I tried to sing once, but I felt false and so I stood.

I'm mourning and I'm not quite done being a baby about it yet.

Maybe tomorrow I'll grow up.  But today I have black on.  My hair is crazy.  And I don't care how bad soda is for me, I'm on my way to drinking myself to death.

My sister asked me if I was really going to wear brown boots with my black dress this morning.


It's hot out.  And brown and black don't match.  And are you really going to leave your hair like that?

I defiantly stamped my foot.

I don't like to match.  I don't like perfect things.  And right now I am fiercely embracing the fact that I am not all put together.

After chapel I went for a drive.  Tasha you really need to shape up.  

So I went down my favorite streets.  I drove fast with the windows down and my music too loud.  I went to my favorite sandwich shop and then talked to my favorite people.

Isn't it funny.

Nothing takes His place.

When I got home, I locked the dog out of my room.  I didn't want to see anything cute.

And got right down to it.

I am scared.  I am sad.  And I am feeling lost.

And God.  Couldn't you have made the drive here a little less depressing?  Give Nebraska a little more shape?  And maybe some water?   What am I going to do at night now?  Climb a tree?

I needed to cry.  I'm fine now.  Minus my headache from all of that soda.

I just got off the phone with my crazy friend, one of the biggest reasons that I came home. She is pregnant and she is going to have a beautiful baby.

Tasha.  I want a cookie.  Let's go.  And don't you dare wear a dress.  No dressing up around me, go buy a pair of sweats.  Hurry.

He's good at reminding me.  Look.  There are people to love here too.  Get in there and stop sulking.