It's 11:08 and I have to get up early enough to wash my hair and be on the road by 5:30.  I wish I was tired.  Or had the motivation to shower tonight.

But.  Life is not perfect.  And I certainly am not.

I was at school for a long, long time today.  I think by the time I'm done studying, I'll have the whole book memorized.  It's highly possible.  Part of me is okay with that, as long as I do my best?  No.  Let's be honest.  I want to do The Best.

Darn.  I thought I was over my pride.  I'm sure God will take care of that for me.  He always does.

Today I wandered the halls during class.  I just couldn't sit any longer.  And I decided that hall lighting is a crime.  And hallways are even more criminal.  The only redeeming aspect is the noise my shoes make in them.  I wandered because I had reached my capacity and I was bordering on annoyance.  I can not handle small thoughts.  And the amount of grey that seems to be in every room I step into.

I told my friend, the problem with us is that we don't believe in anything anymore.  And we're losing our shape.  I am so tired of everything that is in between right and wrong. 

I am so tired of pointless.

So I wandered.  In search of patience.  And compassion.  And more patience.

I didn't find it.

Shoot. 

I need to spend some time with my Jesus tomorrow.  I need to get a grip on reality.  I want to read some yeses and some nos.  Some this is the way it is, this is the way it was, this is the way it will be.

Because I am sick to death of maybes.

To death.