I spent the whole day alone today and it was lovely.  I had a bacon and tomato sandwich, wore my favorite dress to the movies, and was proposed to by a military man.

Some days I do life well.  And today was one.

Right now I am watching Charade and coveting Audrey's perfect up-do.  I am in an old sweatshirt and have polished off a glass of my favorite wine.

Right now I am here completely.

I have been in an empty house all week.  An empty house full of school books and due dates.  And since I have been in this house, I have cultivated an unfortunate habit of talking to the dog.  Often.  Yesterday I woke up with her sitting next to me on my pillow looking out the window.  I woke up and I already had that heavy feeling around my heart.   And I told her that I miss being happy.

She was more interested in the window.

I told her I needed an attitude adjustment and she looked harder.

Maybe she's tired of me saying it.  Maybe she doesn't hear me anymore because I say it so ridiculously often.

I am tired of it.  Just get on with it already Tasha.  You're better than mopey.

And so I am ready to live in this moment instead of the should have moments.  Or the would have moments.  They have nothing for me.

I am learning to love here again.  And myself.  And I am clinging to His love for me.

Have I said that I cannot wait for heaven?  Because I really, really can't.