So I am sitting here with a bag of goldfish crackers and the four new books I impulsively bought from a store that I used to love. I'm feeling a little drained by life and the titles on the Christian Inspiration shelf drained me further.
Vintage Jesus? The Christian Atheist? Death by Church?
Whoa.
I found some of my old friends on a shelf in the back. Hello Chesterton, Schaeffer, Augustine. You're not back of the store worthy. What are the fools thinking?
What is anyone thinking?
I just need to say this. There are things in life that mean something. There are things that mean a lot actually. And there are things out there worth being disturbed for. And hurt and angry and wildly happy over.
Stop sloshing through life. Live with some care, some passion. Please. Please love yourself.
I spent time with Him today. I just sat there, I didn't have pretty words. I didn't need them. God, here it all is. I don't know what to do with any of it, but I'm tired of carrying it. So please. If you'll just make this ugly into something good. I can't. I don't know what to do with this. But it hurts.
And then I went to coffee with a friend who makes me happy to be here. We drove to car lots and looked in windows. I bought a dress for a dollar. And a chocolate bar from Ecuador.
I had the urge to drive somewhere substantially far away this afternoon. To drive to mountains or water or tall trees. I needed to feel in awe. School makes me feel invisible. And the rest of life makes me feel tired. But as I was starting to scheme I realized this. The day is perfect. My yard is full of color. And there is nothing better than a nap when the sun is coming in the window.
And did you know, there's something promising about tomorrows. Something really great about them.
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