Audrey, Dean, and Austen.

They're how I cope with the mess.
Their names mean a lot to me.

One day I would like:
a daughter named Audrey
a cat named Dean Martin. (D.A.)
and a jeep named Jane.

I just registered for round two.  And I'm still not wild about round one.  I went to see a friend out east last weekend and her mom asked me if I was going to finish.  I smiled and shrugged.

I don't have a better plan right now. And it's good for me to do things that I don't like.

It is not that it is terrible.
It is just not great.
And it is hard.

On the brighter side of that part of my life, I've made some interesting friends because of it.  And I am beginning to recover my vocabulary, it's showing on the scrabble board.  That alone makes it worth it.

I wish I could have brought my friend back with me.  And the trees because they were the perfect colors.  She set up a blind date for me.  She didn't tell me much about him until I got there and then little things started to slip out.  She said Tasha, we need a funny story.  And we both know this one is going to be hilarious.

He was a lovely person.

I am also glad that he is on the east coast.  And that I am in the midwest.

That's what brought on Austen.  Two Friday nights in a row with no one to look nice for brought on Audrey.  And Dean helps me make the drive to school without turning around.

But really, it is all Him.

They wouldn't do a thing for me if it weren't for Him.

Sometimes all it takes is for me to open the pages and see the lining and the circling and the noting.
Sometimes it is just His name in a whisper or a scream or a half laugh half cry.
And sometimes He takes me to my knees and just being there is enough.

Late this week while I was struggling before falling asleep I begged Him.  God I know You're enough.  Please, I've gotten too big.  Make me small again so that You're all of everything.  Help me to keep struggling.

I don't want to stop.

I'm tired of the stopping.
I smile more when I'm about You.