I just did four loads of laundry, packed the same number of bags, and now I'm on page forty of my conversation analysis. 

Who had an amazing weekend?  I smell like library.  My hair hasn't seen a straightener in days.  And yesterday I wanted to join in with the baby while she cried all day, all day. 

But it really was an amazing weekend.  Here's why.

On Friday I got to see an old friend and I let myself order a slice of carrot cake instead of dinner.  Saturday night I sat in a crowd of people and celebrated something great.  And on Sunday I gathered around a very long table with the rest of the young professionals group while we had turkey and potatoes and laughed about our world.

But Saturday night was the best. 

I thought when I moved here that I would want to do everything new, that the old would get to me in a way that would make me want to run.  But now that I'm here, I don't know where to start except with where I was. 

I find that I do not have the luxury of beginning everything over.  I do not have the time or the heart or the stability.  And so I am at the church that I grew up in, spent days and days in, rode big wheels in the basement in.  I am there.  And on Saturday night we all gathered together and celebrated the history and the direction of our community.  And while everyone honored its fifty years, I sat there smiling about my twenty-five. 

I don't know how to explain what I felt without using the words incredibly and happy.  And reassured.  Because as the pictures of men and women who poured themselves into each other flashed on the screen  and as the videos of past leaders spoke to us, I was hysterically happy.

I am surrounded by God's warriors.  They are right here.  They are all around me if I look.

And that is great hope.

Sometimes I am disappointed because I am looking for something that I can not find.  But really, I am looking right through what really matters.

Men and women who do life well.  Who say with their lives, look.  This is how you go about it all with Him.  This is how you laugh about children, this is how you mourn sorrow.  And this is how you push forward, push towards Him, without losing yourself to the push.

I have great respect for that.

It was so good to sit and watch older generations.  Older people who have made it and who handle life with a calm that I am envious of.  It was good to see that yes, that is what I want out of life.  That look on their faces, that familiarity with the Lord, that right there.

I sat there and prayed with the Psalmist.  God.  Keep me looking straight ahead, don't let me turn my head, please don't let me.  And my feet.  Keep them steady.  Catch me if I slip, push me down if I run, and hold me together.  Hold me so closely together with You.

I am silly and I will forget.  Maybe I am already forgetting. 

So remind me of Your great love.  Of Your great hope and of my great need.