A few thoughts because that's all I have lately.

I think I feel most at home and free on the road.  Especially when it is at night and I am alone.  I figured a lot out this weekend in that little car of mine.

At the end of the road, a good friend was waiting for me and it felt right just being with her.  I am worried that I didn't talk enough.  I am worried that I talked about myself too much.  I am so grateful for her and the wise things she says to me when I am tired.

At the end of every week I feel relief and freedom to breathe.  And then the week starts again and school closes in on my days.  Spring break is next week and just thinking about it makes my sluggish heart beat a little faster.

Of course my professors think it is silly for grad students to have a break and so I have giant things to do.  But I will be in a warm place with my brother and I will be around only adults for a whole week.  That is something.

Right now Ella is walking around in my heels and I can see who she is going to be in in twenty years.  I had a long conversation with one of my oldest, closest male friends and he gave me some good things to think on.

Sometimes my old attitude towards men flares up and it is hard for me to not silently rant at them all in my heart.  And then I have moments of deep gratitude for the time I have to invest in my world and for my apartment for only one, for my bubble bath tub and eclectic fridge and the books I share my bed with.

There is a program in Ireland this summer and it is not the most responsible way to study, but it sounds inspiring and my soul needs a little extra these days. 

My dad sat me down at dinner and I could tell he had something pressing to say because he kept clearing his throat.  Finally he looked at me and said, Tasha these boys are going to fall in love with you.  You know that.  

I guess that's what life is lately.  A lot of falling in and out of love.  Isn't that what we're all asking for?  Spend some time with me.  Learn to care for me.  And then we'll decide it won't work and start over with someone new.  Really, it all makes me very tired and very quiet.  The way we do life seems a little anti life.

I am responsible for this: for dealing with my humanity in the best way.  For living so that mistakes are possible.  And for rubbing against the tension in this world.  I am responsible for fighting through and also for great rests.

It is foggy and cold this morning and I need coffee.

Also, I am having a long hair day. 

So exciting.