I have a lot to be excited about right now.  Right now there are two air mattresses in my living room and my sister is curled next to me in bed.  I'm having so much fun, I'm waking up tired. 

It stormed again this week and while the kids were napping I sat on the couch whispering Job 37, but I couldn't stop there because my favorite chapters are the end, when God speaks in the storm.  It's the most eloquent hushing I have read and it quiets the roaring doubts that rush in whenever I set out to do something difficult.

Tonight is one of those nights, it is Father's Day and Sunday and the end of a long week and I would really like to sit here and cross my arms.  Push something.  Yell.  Cry.  I am a mess of emotions and I can not figure out where they have come from.  I told my dad today that I am not ready to grow up because it scares me more than anything.

I told him that and then I told him this: that as I was sitting there, thinking about changes, I heard His promises of great faithfulness and steady love.  There are some things that I firmly believe.  But I do not always firmly feel them.  And that is the battle that is hardest for me.

Sometimes I say that I am ready for heaven, for Jesus to come back and I don't really think when I say it.  But tonight I feel it, tonight I am so ready to be with Him because tonight nothing else is filling the empty.  And I need Him so badly.

The most exciting thing I can think of right now is Him.  And I think of running and laughing and being dizzy, drunk with love.  Drunk with love in that wonderful Light that never goes out.