I am here with him for a week and I brought with me a suitcase of coats to leave.  Here.  My new (old) home.  My father took me to the airport and he went inside with me, too.  Waited in line with me to check my bag(s), road the escalator up while lecturing me about stairs, hugged me goodbye at security twice.

My mother sent me a "you're in trouble" text.  Your father got teary over that one way suitcase.  You're going to be in trouble when you really move, girl.


I know.  Shoot.


I cried over changed lunch plans.  Teared up about a potential apartment.  Sunk into the bubbles in the tub and let myself just weep.  I am happy and sad and unsure and confident.  I am not sure what I am and that is perhaps the most confusing part.

There are so many memories in this town.  I am staying on the street that I ran at night when I felt most helpless.  I am in love with a man I poured my heart out to in the evenings under the stars when we were only great friends.  I am studying at that Starbucks.  I am constantly moving from past to present to future and I am dizzy with it.

More than that, even, I am breaking down myths I've put up around my God.  He is bringing me to the places where I am in the way.  The places I have made entirely too safe.  And part of me is yelling: You promised me goodness.  You promised to redeem us.  You promised and I don't see it.  The other part of me is simply nodding.  Yes, I know.  I know we are a silly creature.  I know I  fail at recognizing Goodness.  And, oh.  My God, I know there is no greater love than You. 


Remember.  I love a God who loves me, a sinner, and deeply hates sin.  I love a God who spent time putting us together, a God who has predestined us for the greatness He brings to our days, a God who softens my heart when nothing else can. A God who will not be done with me.

I love a God who moves me.

And, while moving has me melting down in the bathtub, it also has me stretched long, face turned high in worship.  It has me smiling over little things: great counseling sessions, new friendships, my darling cousins, cooking dinner, bed shopping, shared prayers.