It is the siblings' time: born a day apart and though born close, separated by years, ideas, attentions.  As selfish as it sounds, I know God made them for me-- my perfect balancing gift and I cannot imagine growing with any other two than these:

A sister who is one moment adorable and soft and funny and the next all wild fire and fierce, pushing against the neglect of children, the abandonment of the church, the slowing of our minds.  She is not always comfortable but always, always I am safe with her and that is the thing I love most.

And a brother who has a rambling heart and whose heart goes so many directions that there are pieces of him buried in every hushed conversation, every silenced community and who, for fun and a bit of a challenge and maybe on a whim, signed up and cycled a road steeper than all the roads in the country except one because he was feeling himself go and being small is not in his spirit.

This is the team I was born into and they challenge me and they move me so that even now, sitting here and turning them over in my mind my heart burns and aches and the distance between feels unbearable and unnatural.

I found myself in the kitchen early this morning before the talking hours, measuring, mixing, folding and sipping coffee twice gone cold while cakes baked for this weekend that is full of distractions and I began planning the biggest party because next month we will all gather and this is what great expectation is.  Next month we will stay up late and sip wine and eat slow and the moments that I am missing today and tomorrow will show up.