Sister flew in for a week with our darling cousins and I packed husband up for a week in the Colorado mountains with the brothers.  I love sibling time.  I love being loved.  And I really love the way I feel around a body I've gone through all of life with.  I packed her back up this morning and watched her pull out of town.  There is a part of my heart that went screaming after her Wait.  We aren't supposed to leave each other.  We're supposed to be a few doors down, stay up late playing cards, talk sass to our husbands and be there for that first bathroom moment with the white stick hoping and praying for lines. And then when I'm on the floor and a mess it's you that is supposed to wrap me up and sit with me.

I wrote a term paper on us in graduate school.  I studied the exchange of power in our discourse and my professor called me into his office to give me my grade.  He wanted to talk about the studies I did on other sisters before I wrote the paper but really I think he just wanted to know if it was real, the way she and I are connected, the way we speak with each other. And I nodded with him, Yeah it's pretty unbelievable, the way we are tied and these great things that she believes about me.  It's more than I deserve and more than I could ever earn.

Husband and I have a big decision to make today on his 30th birthday.  I've been wrestling with it and myself and Him all week and when I was on the way to the airport I tried to answer a question that the preacher had asked Sunday morning: When you know Jesus, you should have a great affection for Him.  Do you love Jesus?  This question had bowled me over.  It had bounced loud inside my head for the rest of the service.  Of course I love Jesus.  We all love Jesus.  This is the simple, cute question you ask three and four year olds in Sunday school rooms decorated with Noah's Ark and animals.  No one asks this question anymore.  And then I began to cry.

I'm driving to the airport, going over the question again, and I'm filling with love for Him.  I'm shaking my head over my selfishness, over my forgetfulness to love Jesus.  And I'm nodding my head.  Yes.  Yes, I do love Jesus. I stayed in that space the rest of the day.  I love Jesus.  I love Jesus I love Jesus I love Jesus. And I knew I could do anything because I love Jesus.  We could end up anywhere and still, I love Jesus.  We could live a space that is always rainy and even farther from home and completely unfamiliar.  But I love Jesus.

She was here this week and this week felt like Him loving me right back.  

He has spread us out and there is reason for that.  He is writing His story and we are where we need to be for now.  He is always moving us, though.  We are constantly breaking out, shifting weight, chasing that glory until He takes us home.  This is my steady prayer.