Still, there are things in boxes and boxes are in every room. Still, there is painting to be done,wall papering, light fixtures and trim and bathroom remodels.  Rooms are half filled. Spaces are waiting for furniture not yet found. Everything is started, nothing is finished.  I was all fire and energy in the beginning.  I was ready to bust through, throw things up, slap things down.

Lately though I've gotten kind of okay with the idea that this house process is slow moving and start and stop. Lately I've been thinking about more than the shape of the walls and the floors. I found myself in the office sifting through boxes and it slammed into me. These floors, this room-- things are going to happen in here.  My story is going to shift and curl and spread here. We are going to add to ourselves in this home. And we'll hang different pictures.  We'll maybe be mad about a baby instead of our bikes. There will be finger prints every where.  A toy box where I imagine the bar cart going.  Little plastic plates on top of my white ones.  This house is going to be loud.  This  house is going to wear and why did we think white walls everywhere were a good idea?

I've found myself praying in the middle of rooms.  Lord God keep us now and then.  I've been hovering over the garden.  Telling myself that if I can grow tomatoes and peppers, then maybe I can grow myself and us.  I shake after the big fights when we come so close to giving the prowler a foothold.  I still don't know how to tell him, It's not you I'm furious with, it's the idea that he might have a win in our home.  It's how close we come to giving him just an inch and that terrifies me.   And I well up in the early morning times with Him. You've gone before me and You've named me good and that is enough.  

My whole family is coming in two weeks and for the first time the house will be full.  We'll open up the big room upstairs.  We'll use all the sheets and all the pillows and plates and glasses.   We kids will stay up late on the patio and mom and dad will wake early, will bustle about and get the world going before we stumble down stairs.  Sister and I will talk babies.  The husbands will shake their heads.  Brother will tell us not yet.  I'll feel relieved.  

We had the friends that make up our community over last night and we prayed over these walls, prayed over the life coming out of this place, prayed over what we will become here at this address.  There were kids everywhere.  We pulled the kitchen table and the chairs out into the yard.  Turned on the grill, poured the tea and lemonade, filled the cooler.  People stayed late until the bats came out, until all the cookies were gone, until the children's feet were black with dirt and the women pulled their men to the door.

So many times this week I have felt the blessing of His love.  I have felt so full that it hurt.  And last night I thought I may burst.