Last week I was frustrated over the lack of mothering in the Scripture.  Where is the book on how to be at home?  Where is the passage on when to discipline and when to give grace, how to balance this season of self sacrifice without hurtling towards burn out?  And what I would do for a couple verses on hormones.

Last week I thought the Scripture was too quiet, incomplete even, and then I stumbled across Paul's words Follow me as I Follow Christ and while I sat thinking about what parenting would look like powered by that statement, other truths that have been underlined and starred and memorized and written on tiny pieces of paper stuck to bathroom mirrors- they all flew at me:

Aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands.  

He has done great things for us and we are filled with joy.

What has the Lord required of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

Less of me, more of Him.

I thought Scripture was quiet and so Scripture roared.  I had started to listen to the sneaky, half truth lies: motherhood is a free pass to feel unequipped and overwhelmed and motherhood leaves me entitled to a little complaining, a little me time.  And now I am in dangerous headspace: now motherhood owes me things lost.  My waistline.  My toned body.  My free time.  My sex drive.

I am certain that Satan would like nothing more than to see me feel overworked and under appreciated and used up by the day.  I am certain he has a large hold on conversations held by mothers who are afraid they are lost and mothers who are tired of the dying and mothers who think His Instruction isn't clear enough.   I am certain he has an even larger hold on our headspace, our tendency to keep track of things not meant to be remembered, our even greater tendency to compare.  Because Scripture also tells this story: a beautiful serpent and his plan of death for humanity, a beautiful serpent and his plan for the fracturing of our relationship with God.

Maybe motherhood is as simple as being able to say to our littles: I am following Christ, come with me.  Maybe following Christ is as simple as acting justly, loving mercy, and remembering to stay humble.  Maybe staying humble just means lessening ourselves and increasing Him.  And maybe increasing Him is done in the quiet and in the remembering of those great things He has already done, maybe it is in the joy.

So that motherhood doesn't have to be this struggle over how much of ourselves to pour out and how much of ourselves to keep.  It doesn't have to be a space where we feel the desperate need to stake out some territory just for us because we are afraid we might disappear, might die too much, might empty completely.  It doesn't have to be reactive and insecure and driven mainly by our physical sides.

Motherhood could be us following Christ (still tired, still stumbling, but also still holding onto joy).  And motherhood could be fueled by that sacred following.  The world tells us we might actually fade away if we aren't careful; it tells us to fight to hang onto what we were.  And then there is Jesus: recreating us, saving us, calling us to a narrower, good way.

So, follow me as I follow Christ.