river that won't run dry

He is so good.

I get to come home soon. I love that anticipation that grows when you've been away from something for a while. Sometimes you have to go away before you realize how deeply blessed you've been. In a scary changing world, home is that safe, solid place where I don't have to work so hard at being on my own and not slipping. Because I know that they are there with me and fighting for me. And they challenge me to be who I am in Him. They know that side of me that I forget. And they expect that from me. Because we all need that from each other.

I think some of my lowest points occur when I see people stop. That's hard for me. I think it must be hard for everyone. When people go from being alive to just functioning and dallying around with their ideas of the world. We get so selfish and silly without Him. The things that were ugly become attractive. We rise from being deep in Him. And when someone does that, it kind of adds to that lingering despair you already have and it sharpens the realization that we aren't safe in this world. That he's there plotting, lurking, waiting. Because the way really is narrow and the road is hard.

I think being alive in Christ is that constant realization that He really is here. It's that ability to notice Him. To see something beautiful and think of Him. To see something sad and to feel his heart. To see something you don't understand and to wonder what He's doing. It's being wronged and being ok with it. And being loved and thanking Him for it. Being hurt and falling on Him. Slipping and crawling back to Him. It's seeing Him in people's faces. And loving Him more for those hard times He carries you through.

I love my kids. And I love that classroom. Life is so simple in that room. Their worlds are still so small and their hearts are still so big. I love seeing them laugh and learn and love each other. They have a certain grace and eagerness that they live life with. There's so much to learn from children. They're a reminder of who we used to be, what we once were. Their willingness to love anyone and their ignorance of the hard and ugly that's out there. No wonder Jesus loved the children.

But they're so vulnerable and our world is so messy. I'm scared for them. Sometimes when I pray for them, I think of who they will be and what they will go through that will bring them to that point. And what I can do now, to prepare them for what they'll face soon. There's so much potential in that room. God is going to change the world through those kids. If they'll let Him. And if they don't let go of Him along the way. Because we were all like that at some point. And soon they'll join us in the fight we're in today. I just hope that we don't forget that there is a fight. And that the fight is for them.

"There is a river that washes you clean
There is a tree that marks the places you've been
Blood that was spilled, although not your own
For all of those tears, love will atone"

Jars of Clay