prelude

Lately I've been reading Utopia by Thomas Moore. He just spent 18 pages talking about only two of society's evils. I'm not sure what I think about trying to figure the bad things out. I wonder if we're supposed to focus more on the good. Sometimes I feel like our world is obsessed with the wrong in it. We get all excited and worked up about it. The more we try to fix it, the more messy and muddled it becomes.

I do that with myself. Dissect every little thing. Tear away at the wrong. Cover it up and polish it. Chase perfection. But I'm not sure Jesus is about fixed people. I think He likes them broken. We're more usable when we're not able to function. Because when we try to we don't do it well. And no matter how hard we try to recreate that paradise that we crave, the paradise that we've fallen from, we can't. We can't even begin to grasp it. To touch it. So we go on our two week vacations to white sands and we work another year just to go back. And somehow we let that satisfy us.

It's amazing how wired we are for heaven. And how scared we are to go there. I think life is a prelude. And heaven is the main event.

I've started running. It's my new therapy, my new thing. I go through a lot of things here. Distractions. Sometimes I crave a straight long road that cuts through emptiness on its way to no where. One that goes on forever. One where you can't see the end. And I go and go and go. Without stopping, without thinking. Moving. Faster and faster. Everything else, all of the noise and thoughts and life fade out, disappear. And I'm chasing. After the end. The end that I can't quite see, but want. Desperately.