quiet

I took a break from life for a week. I spent my mornings in the sand, my afternoons in the sun, and my evenings with my friend. I had big ideas. I packed a bag full of books. Sketch pads, pencils, journals and watercolors. I was ready to be inspired by life. Ready to create something. To learn something.

Instead all I could do was sit there. And stare. Sometimes I couldn't even do that. Sometimes I had to close my eyes and just listen. I tried to read pages, but I kept going back to the waves. I tried to sketch, but I couldn't do it justice. I tried to write, but I had no words. I felt like crying and laughing at the same time. Yelling and dancing. But I froze, silent.

So I just sat. And listened. And felt. And watched. The waves slide. The kids play. The sand blow.

I think what really got me was Him. I hadn't been still in a while. There's something about Him that demands quiet. I think the ocean reminds us of how small we are. And how great and furious and lovely He is.

Lately I've been bad with thinking. My mind wanders all over the place, but it hardly goes to Him anymore. I realized on the beach that I miss talking about Him. I miss hearing about Him. Sometimes I feel like I hardly know Him any longer.

So I put aside my lofty ambitions. And I just waited. And heard. And saw. And eventually I was completely overwhelmed with Him. Silenced by Him.

I got up earlier and earlier. To meet Him. And at night I left the sliding door open. So I could still hear the ocean pounding away. So I could still hear Him. I didn't have all my questions answered or my problems solved. Everything wasn't suddenly ok. But I did find peace. I haven't slept that well in a long time. Or felt that whole. He really is perfect.

This is one of those passages I go to. When I make Him small. It gives me shivers when I read it. It makes me proud to be His.

"Then the Lord answered Job out of the storm. He said,

'Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?
Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you
and you shall answer me.

Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
Who marked off the dimensions?
Surely you know!

Who stretched a measuring line across it?
On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone-
while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels shouted for joy?

Who shut up the sea behind doors
when it burst forth from the womb,
when I made the clouds its garment
and wrapped it in thick darkness,
when I fixed the limits for it
and set its doors and bars in place,
when I said 'This far you may come
and no father; here is where your
proud waves halt'?

Have you ever given orders to the morning,
or shown the dawn its place,
that it might take the earth by the edges
and shake the wicked out of it?

Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea
or walked in the recesses of the deep?
Have the gates of death been shown to you?

What is the way to the abode of light?
And where does darkness reside?
Can you take them to their places?
Do you know the paths to their dwellings?

Have you entered the storehouses of the snow
or seen the storehouses of the hail,
which I reserve for times of trouble,
for days of war and battle?

What is the way to the place
where the lightening is dispersed?
or the place where the east winds
are scattered over the earth?

Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain,
and a path for the thunderstorm,
to water a land where no man lives,
a desert with no one in it,
to satisfy a desolate wasteland
and make it sprout with grass?'"

Job 38