Differences

It is strange how life continues on without you. You tend to forget that. Then when you come back after being away it all hits you. Your city, house, family- they all change. Everything is a little more worn, people are a little further from who they were, places are a little smaller. You revisit all of those spots that you loved and try not to notice the differences. And then you realize that maybe it's not the places that have changed, maybe it's you and your perspective. The way you see things has been altered. You understand that it's normal. It's a part of growing older. But part of you longs to be little again. Part of you longs for your old eyes. The ones that saw life as larger than it really was.

And while there is comfort in being back in your house with the morning noises and familiar smells and slamming doors and favorite chairs, that same part of you realizes that you're a little on the outside of it now. That you're at that point where it's time to find your own place. Your own piece of earth and team and memories. You've been noticing this for a while, but you haven't been ready. You've been caught up in the transition years, the middles. And you've been content there. Where life is the same but not. And people are familiar but different. But you're beginning to get restless.

Your friends have been getting married for a while now. They're moving into the baby stages. And you feel a little behind. A little slow. While they're figuring out recipes and balancing checkbooks you're still learning how to tie your shoes, how to run without tripping.

You've been okay with where you're at. A little relieved even. But now you're noticing things you didn't before. It's that new perspective. It's changing everything. You see children and part of you wants to meet that challenge. You see couples and you wonder if you could pull it off well. And every once in a while you see a great relationship and you get a little envious. A little curious.

You start having questions and your mind goes places it never cared to before. You like hearing how people met. You think the old couples walking in the park are darling. And you secretly make notes when you hear little tips about men and children and gardening.

And then you catch yourself. And you have a little talk with yourself. A talk reminding you of why there is no rush and of how you love life the way it is. Of why you've chosen this route. Your tone is firm and you think safely for a while after that. But once you've been somewhere, it's hard to stay away.

So you stall. With distractions. Traveling, hobbying, list making, networking. Go, go, go. Do, do, do. It's the quiet times that get you. The deep, still moments. The moments that come after you've thought through your day. The moments when you feel completely alone. When you've moved past solitude to loneliness.

So you have a talk with God. You list off all of the reasons that you're not ready. You have so much more to learn. So much more self improvement to accomplish. You'd mess things up so badly, your flaws are still so large. And besides, it's more exciting living independently. It's more spontaneous and flexible and carefree. Commitment free. And after you've listed and explained and reasoned; you calm down.

Because you know. And you're okay with knowing. That He loves adventure and stories and your heart more than you do. And that your story is going to be great, because He wrote it. That the chapters will keep building and that your soul will keep deepening. And that eventually He'll bring you to the page in your story that intertwines with someone else's page. Or maybe your story will keep moving and changing. Maybe you won't have another main character. Maybe you'll have lots of supporting characters.

And then you start to get excited. Because your story has countless endings and twists and turns. Because it has unlimited potential. And because you love your Author.