mas o menos

Today felt like the end of summer. I hugged my last visitor of the year and went on a search for the perfect sweater in an effort to hide from an empty house. Summer is neatly packed away and fall is hanging in its place.

I've started scheming up fall projects. There's a butternut squash on my counter. And empty frames on my floor. My running shoes are waiting again by the door. And the maps are back out.

I think there's a fine line between being distracted and being productive. And sometimes it's ok to be distracted. But not all of the time. That's the trick- remembering to focus. When I look back, I've lost a lot to them- the distractions. Months, weeks, days. Sometimes you have to quit for a little while. Leave your phone at home, turn the music off, go on a long walk. Just Stop. Think your own thoughts. Take time to find and be found.

It happened today. After finding the perfect sweater wasn't as satisfying as I thought it would be, I started sorting. When I was younger, life was very black and white. And now I feel like I'm living in a grey, grey area. In my heart there is the desire to find a dog and buy a car and make a home somewhere. But there's also the desire to explore a little more before settling. I left in an attempt to put off that step you're supposed to take when birthdays are no longer as exciting and desserts begin to show. Even though you aren't ready for something, that doesn't stop it from coming. Sometimes being ready is the worst thing you can be.

So I'm in this phase where renewing a phone plan and buying out-of-state plates and a year long gym membership are all scary commitments. Because my mind isn't made up. And my heart is clueless. Sometimes moving back home sounds really good. And some days the thought of staying here makes me smile. Then every once in a while I think about giving another country a shot and my head ends up in the clouds.

The one thing that I can do no matter where I am is to love Him. He made a really beautiful day today. He is so great.

The noteworthies of fall:

Dahlias
Boots
Stepping on Leaves
Fires
Long Coats
Caramel Apples
Scarves
S'mores
Football
Hot Chocolate
Tree Colors
Slippers
Thanksgiving
Candy Corns