Quack

When I'm grumpy, I don't want to figure out where my bad feelings are coming from. I don't want to smile. I don't want to talk. I don't want to go out.

When I'm grumpy I put on my favorite old sweats, get the sugar out, and put a sad movie in. Sometimes I just need to sulk a little. Get it out of my system.

I think being grumpy is my heart's way of elbowing my mind. Reminding it that things aren't all ok and to pay some attention.

And after I'm done indulging, I can easily recognize what's been going on inside. And then I call my mother.

Get all your ducks in a row.

That's what my mom said to me. I don't even know what my ducks are I tell her.

So I start talking out loud about my life. I love it. But sometimes it all adds up to too much and not enough at the same time. I go on about how I just want to be 24 for a while. And do 24 year old things and have 24 year old conversations. And stay up later than 9:30 without feeling like I've been hit by a train.

She tells me to get my ducks in a row. And to do it joyfully.

I can either sit here and wait for something great to happen, or I can take what I have and see it for how great it is while moving towards my next step. I have the Bible at my fingertips. Always. And I have good people who love me here. Someday when I can't keep plants alive and don't have time to cook, I'll look back on this time with envy.

For now, it's ok that the best part of my day is a dish that turns out well or a cheap plane ticket. I'm learning more about myself. And more about children. I don't cringe at loose teeth and bloody noses. And I can stop tears in under thirty seconds. Impressive accomplishments. They might make it on my resume.

I'm going to have fun getting those ducks in a row.