My feet wish that they were still in flip flops, not pinched tight in a pair of oh-so-cute heels. And my hair wants to fly free and naked without the ironing and smoothing and over application of products. In short. I miss vacation.

But that's what makes it worth it. Realizing that there are things worth missing. My mom telling me to get ready for dinner. Swimming with my dad and shrieking when those really big waves build right over you.

When did I fall so out of love with life? And why.

I didn't shoot the breeze with God this week. No beating around the bush. You don't realize how far gone you are until you have one of those out of body moments, until you step out of yourself and really take a good hard look at what you've become. Disinterested. I'd rather be anything but disinterested. Anything.

So we hashed it out. Time to get excited Tasha. About life. Growing. Time to embrace forward motion and get over that silly fear of people and new things. And for goodness' sake. It's time to take that medicine without gagging and fussing.

Here's the thing God. I'm not ready to wear hose and somber colors and sensible shoes. I don't want to be responsible with every minute of the day and every penny of my dollar. I like being a little frivolous. A little not quite practical.

I want to have silly thoughts. Ambiguous plans. Lofty goals.

So. Suppose. That I'm on a slow boat to China. Or loving little hearts. Or lip to lip, mouth to mouth with someone who makes my toes curl and my eyes smile. Or maybe. I'm living in a tiny, tiny town surrounded by snow and water and fourteen crazy, beautiful lives. Is that it?

I stayed with an old friend on the way back in the cities. I had forgotten what it's like to live off of coffee and gum and to wake up the next day with last night still on your face. Tired.

It was kind of His way of showing me- look you've been growing out of yourself these past couple of years, whether you've noticed or not. And you're just fine. You're more than fine. Why? Because I'm bigger than the God you make me out to be. And your life is bigger than what you make it into. I haven't forgotten you. So grow up. Calm down. And get ready. The best is still to come. It's always to come. Just don't forget to hang on to Me.