I am in my worst run away mood tonight.  I am awful at decisions and I am terrified of being complacent.  Combine those two and it equals hours of internet and soul and refrigerator searching.  My finds?  Diet lime pepsi, cheddar chex mix, a ridiculously cheap one way ticket to Japan and the startling realization that I'm not as ready to start again as I thought I was.

I decided this: that everyone needs a base.  For some people, it's another person.  Someone to come home to and leave home with.  And then other people use their career.  Their forty hour job becomes a seventy hour one and even when they're away from it, they aren't really.  I guess when you think about it, a lot of things are bases.  I think I lean more towards community.  It takes a long time for me to get to the point where I'm comfortable with a person and when I finally do get there, it's hard to let go. 

But even more than community it's this: it's faith.  My love for God gets shaken and sometimes my hope is small, but my faith that He's there and that He's great and the I Am, that's the most definitive part of me.  I doubt myself and people all of the time.  But a part of me can't bring myself to doubt Him. 

Sometimes the only good thing in life is Him.  I need to remember that when I'm rummaging through the cupboards looking for old halloween candy.

I have noticed that on my longest, tiredest days when I feel like there is nothing left in me, it's easier to rest in Him.  And those days are the days that my faith burrows a little deeper inside of me and shows a little more in the lines of my face.  I'm not going to toss and turn tonight.  Tonight I'm going to sleep.