It has been a plane ticket searching night.  My months are filling up and I would like to drop in on home before summer gets here.  I think I'll pick a weekend and just show up.  Secretly I hope my wedding day is like that.  Pick a country and run away without saying a word to anyone.

This sort of thing has been on my mind lately because I have come to the firm conclusion that I will never have children alone.  Some tired girls go through a phase where they are completely done with males.  And they come up with brilliant plans of adoption and yellow houses with red doors and window boxes.

That plan is out.  Completely out.

I stay with a sixteen year old girl while her family travels and this time around we have been together for two months.  We have learned how to drive and make weekly grocery lists.  I check spend-the-night stories and make Saturday breakfasts. 

I am almost pro, I tell my brother.

And then last weekend a situation happened.  And that was when I knew.  I called my mom hysterical, I need a husband, I'm not supposed to handle this sort of thing.  I'm no good with a baseball bat.

The other teachers laugh and joke during meetings because they think that I will never have kids.  They watch me cringe when they tell their stories of flying teeth and soiled clothes.   But that was two months ago and I have my own stories now.  I tell them this.  That all- that is cake.  You just wait.  The best years are coming for you, you just wait. 

Give me diapers any day.  And I'll give you conversations about diets and love and chemistry homework. 

Or.  I could become a cat lady and live in a yellow house with a red door and window boxes.  I could.