I know I'm in trouble when all I seem to read are Job and the Psalms. I run to Psalms when life makes me feel like sobbing and to Job when I'm tired of feeling like a weepy child.
It's been that kind of month.
I am tired of going about it all. I need someone to shake me awake because I am getting sleepy.
I was telling that to a friend the other day. People just don't seem to talk about Him. I don't seem to talk about Him anymore. I don't know how much longer I'm going to last this way.
He told me to slow down. People get uncomfortable when you talk about Jesus, You know how you get Tasha. Take it easy.
Don't you get it? I've been taking it easy and it's gotten me no where. I am over comfortable. I need to talk about Him before I forget about Him.
I'm standing on the edge of something big, some kind of great secret and I remember that it makes me happy, it makes me unbearably happy. But it is a secret to me now and it is a secret that I can't remember.
Some days feel really sad. And paper thin.
I don't want my faith to be tamed and logical. I don't want it to be a Sunday hour or a prayer before my dinner. I want to live by a faith that is wild, a faith that I don't completely understand, one that I can't control or predict. I want to really live.
He told me that he hasn't heard me use this many words before.
It's because they've been kept inside of me for so long. Biting the inside of me, begging to come out. It's because a part of me lives when they're spoken, a part of me that matters more than the rest of me.
There's something beautiful about saying them. About hearing them out loud. It's different than writing, it's richer. Words that cost something, that take part of my heart out with them and hang it out for everyone to see. Thick, strong words that break a little and catch in my throat.
I went for a drive last night. Down only roads that I have not been on. I got lost in the woods and meadows and unknown and it felt right. And I wished on the stars and took off all of my layers and felt at peace in the dark.
There's something comforting about a wild place.
This is a beautiful post! Your testimony is beautiful and strong. It's true! We all need to be stronger! I feel like Satan tries so hard to help those in the world that try to take Jesus more and more out of this world. The world that He created! It's so sad and wrong. You have increased my desire to shout from the roof tops that Jesus is the Christ! The Son of God. That He lives! That He loves and knows each of individually and wants to be there for each of us. To help us walk through this difficult life. So glad I wondered upon your blog today. I hope you don't mind that I read it. It's truly inspirational! Thank you!
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