It is Saturday morning.  I stayed up late but I am up early because I just fell out of bed and landed on my briefcase and a shoe.  Normally I do not move an inch when I sleep.  Or dream.  But last night was different.

I sat on the floor for a minute and then started laughing.  When I struggle, I really struggle.  There is no messing around.  And apparently there is no sleeping either.

I am so blessed, so incredibly blessed.

And it has made me lazy.  There's no other word for it.  And I hate that word like I hate goodbyes.

Life is lovely right now.  The sun has been shining, the flowers are blooming, my kids are growing.  It is just lovely.  But me?  Let's face it.  Not so lovely.  It's the things that we call small that I'm slipping on.  I've been so absent lately.  In my mind, but mostly in my heart.  So absent.

Some days I talk to everyone else before I talk to Him.

I've become my own savior.  I've become my hope.

It is no wonder that I fell out of bed.

I think it is time to retreat.  A friend told me that the largest white pine stand is close.  And that when you walk through it, it feels like you are in some kind of great earthly cathedral. 

Some day I will get to go home.  But I am not there yet and so I have to be careful, I have to.  Because I do not want to be like the people I see who are looking for Him, desperately looking.  Only they don't recognize Him and so they are looking right past, some of them don't even know that they are looking.  But they are.  How can we not? 

Life is too plain with out Him.

I was fed up with myself, sitting on the floor.  Tasha you are found.  Stop living like you're lost.  And no more tossing.  Steady girl, steady.