Yesterday I was crawling out of my skin with desperation.  I had reached that moment of truth and I didn't want to face it.

One thing I've learned is that it is ok to have tired, running away days.  As long as they don't turn into running away weeks.

So I took off for a beach farther from home.  I stopped at the store and bought a cheap bathing suit and little dress.  And made a rule to keep them in my car always, you never know when you're going to have one of those days.

I picked up Chinese take-out and sat while the world played around me and clung to this thought:  God is good.  He is.

And I told Him.  I'm not running away from You.  Please hear me.  I'm running away from them.  From Your people.  And I know that they are Your beloved and greatest creatures, I do.  I love them as completely as I know how to.  But sometimes it leaves me feeling empty.

And God I am so sorry for all of the half living I've done.  For the half listening and half sleeping.

It must be more awful than what I feel.  Life is so much more satisfying when people are awake, isn't it?

Well, I'm on the edge of dozing and that is why I had to run today.

And I sat there and I prayed without words until the rain fell.

It was so good to rest.  Then I felt Him nudge me.

Tasha, you have to go back now.  I have a purpose for you there.  Go love them all with My love, not yours.  The wrestlers, the sleepers, the lost.  Even the runners.  You all need me.  Desperately.

And don't forget how loved you are.  How beautiful and bright I make you.  Even on your ugly, hiding days.

I am your glory.  I am your love and I never run out.