My whole life, everything, it has all been easy.

That's a lie. I've done some hard things, but usually I chose them, they didn't choose me.

School has always been easy.  Always.  I went to small schools.  Small schools with small classes.  But I went out of my way, I signed up for the hard classes, the ones I didn't need but really wanted to take.  I went to universities at the same time, to get extra.

Well.  I feel completely in over my head.  I was bored when I signed up for classes and so I signed up for many.  And now I need two backpacks for all of my books.  Two backpacks and two lives because I have no idea how I'm going to do life on top of school.

I fell asleep last night singing Jesus Loves Me to myself, over and over.  That's where I'm at.

I leave my car in a park outside of the campus and walk to my classes.  Walking helps me collect myself and it is through a beautiful part of Omaha.  Today I walked in the grass with my shoes off.  And on the way back the fireflies were out.

The rest of the people in the park probably thought I was crazy.  Loaded down, swinging my sandals, grinning like a mad man.  But I love light in the dark.

I love it so much that I stopped and stood there.  And then I laughed.

Jesus does love me, this I know.

My sister sent me a message.
How were classes today?  Are you feeling better?  Tonight I really want to go on a walk with a boy. 

Yeah, me too.  

But then I looked around and remembered.    Look!  The fireflies are out, ready to dance.  And the grass is perfect.  The world is ready for us, even if men aren't quite.  Let's not wait.  I'm getting old waiting and this night is only once.

So I put my books in my car and I stayed in the park with my toes tangled in the grass.  Because you can't wait for perfect nights.  And because no matter how impossible life seems, fireflies will always make me feel better.