I am supposed to be mastering the International Phonetic Alphabet.  I have to learn about things like the alveolar ridge and fricatives and glides.

For some reason, I am lacking a lot of motivation.  Any motivation, really.

I've tried bribing myself with popsicles.  With naps.  With Remington Steele episodes.

Nothing is working.

I'm weeks ahead in my other classes.  Every time I sit down to work, I avoid beastly Linguistics.  Why am I taking this class?  I've had it before, back when I was in oh-so-easy-and-sweet undergrad.  But I knew I was in trouble when we covered everything I learned in a semester on the first day of class.

Big trouble.

I just found a bag of Vic's Popcorn.

So now I'm blogging.  Hello imaginary friend.  Enjoy my whine.

I have a lot of single friends here.  It helps because then I don't feel alone.  But single people tend to talk about one thing.  Over and over and over.

Relationships.  Dating.  Boys.  Girls.

Over and over.

I met with one of my good friends when I got back.  I wanted to see him right away because he helps me to believe in men and God.

He said, you know the thing I like about you Tasha?  We can just cut through the bull and get down to it.  Through all of the nonsense and talk about Jesus.  I really like that.


He doesn't understand that it feels natural with him.  That I recognize my starving spirit in his eyes and that his love for Jesus pushes mine.  He thinks that he's made too many mistakes.

I played board games until late at night with another friend and he is as different from my Jesus loving friend as night is from day.  But he has the same hunger and a goodness deep in his heart.  He told me.  Tasha, boys don't ever want to just be friends.  There's always a hidden agenda.  And if they're telling you different, they're liars. We've always got something in the back of our minds.

Another asked me if I thought long distance was worth it.  And how soon do girls like to be kissed?  I mean, without it being too soon or too late, you know?

My friend met me for coffee and told me all about her new love.  He has this bad habit Tasha.  But I keep telling myself it's a phase, he'll out grow it.  Only, I don't think he will.  And he doesn't either.  I don't think I can marry that habit.

Usually I am a good listener.  I'd rather listen than talk.

But when they ask me what I think at the end of these conversations, I can not pacify them with the I'm sure you'll figure it out, God will work it out, take it a step at a time answers.

Those are baloney.

Listen.  Get past all of the nonsense.  Now is not a time to wrestle with hidden agendas.

I used to think that it'd be nice to have a folder.  One with all of my flaws and all of my dreams listed in it and I would slide it across the table after dinner.  Look, this is me.  If you can handle all of that, then let's take a shot at it.  Otherwise, I'll get my half of the check.

But my flaws and my dreams are a small part of me.

I am Tasha.  I come alive when I am with Him.  I am tired of giving myself pep talks when I am worn out.  The empty chair next to me in church makes me sad.  It is hard for me to live this faith in the evening when my day and past laugh at me.  I get excited when His word speaks to me.  I could go on about Him forever.  If you love Him too, and if you think you could love me.

Then let's push forward together.

Let's see.

I get that look from some people.  She's still single?  Who is she waiting for, a saint?  She needs to live in reality.

She's just good at being alone.  Look at her, she's happy that way.

Sometimes people tell me that I'm missing out on the best part of life.

They don't get it.

I'm not above love.  I miss being close to another body.  I miss walks.  I miss knowing that someone is crazy for me.

But all I want.  All I really really care about is someone who will help me hang on to the parts of me that are worth knowing.  That's all I want.  That's what I'm waiting for. 

I don't know a lot about timing.  

I just know Him.  And I'd like to share Him with someone.

I'd like to be like this

Aren't they great?


Watch it Brim, I'm going to get you.
You're all talk woman.  Stop shaking the game.