I made it.

This is the thought that passes through my mind every Thursday evening.

I made it with the kids.  I made it through my classes.  For another week, I freaking made it.

Praise Jesus.

I was sitting in class today (in a really cute outfit) surrounded by people and I had a thought slam into me.  I do not belong here.  And I do not want to belong here.

That's new for me.  I've felt out of place often.  But I figure out pretty quickly how to adapt.

Not here.  I have absolutely no desire to be a part of what is happening around me.  I can't connect with the discussions.  I can't get into the readings.  And I for sure do not fit with my classmates.

And then the girl next to me leaned over and asked if I was as out of it as she was.  I beamed at her.

Yes!  Yes I am.  You too?  Really?  That's just wonderful.  I've been sitting here wondering if I'm crazy, believing that I'm crazy.

The boy on the other side of me heard us and joined in.  Pretty soon we had grand plans of leaving together, just quitting.  And going to Iowa or somewhere, to a school that doesn't demand five point essays and prescriptive grammar.

We felt happy for a few minutes.  We grinned at each other.  And then scheduled a study date for the weekend.  Iowa can wait.

So.  I not only made it, I made friends too.  And I smiled.

God is great. 

And hey.  It's beautiful out there tonight.  Those stars are wild.