a letter

I try to get to my classroom a little early. I like to ground myself before they run through the door. Something has happened to me this past year and a half. I have fallen completely in love. With their little faces and big laughs and new hearts. I had never really been around children before. And now I can't get enough of them. They're simply great.

I watch them. They grow each day. It's exciting, but it's scary. Because everyday they get closer and closer to adulthood. The boys are just now starting to find their walk. And the girls. They're so beautiful. But they haven't gotten greedy with their beauty yet. They haven't tried to stretch and push it.

Sometimes I want to sit them down and explain that life changes us. And that pretty soon it's going to get harder and more frightening. But that they're going to be ok. They're going to make it. Look. Life is so much more than the questions and the wrong words and the awful mistakes. It's about learning to love someone. And moving around ourselves. It's getting out of our skin and staying in the light.

I want to tell them to hang on. To being small and young and innocent. We don't make it very easy for them. And I wish that I could be there. When they start to see life differently. When a boy breaks their heart for the first time. When they fall down and aren't sure about getting up. I want to tell them to keep going. To struggle. To fight. To push back when life knocks the air out of them.

And then I think about who they might be. I know they're going to be really great. I want them to remember who they are now. And what kindness looks like. How to laugh so hard that we all have tears streaming down our faces. How to ask for forgiveness. The pledge of allegiance and the beatitudes and how to pray like it's the most important part of the day.

It's surprising how protective I am of them in my heart. Unnerving at times. I didn't know that this is how it would be. I didn't know that I wouldn't be able to walk away at 3:00 and call it a day. That they would constantly be on my mind and in my heart. My prayers are about them. My smiles are about them. My clothes are even about them.

I watch what I say. I sing often. Badly, but often. I swing on low swings and kick soccer balls and bake cookies. I have no idea what's on the news. But I can quote lines from movies with sloths and superheros and wild things in them.

Do you know what I understand better now? I understand why Jesus wanted them to come. I think I understand His heart a little more. And I want to be like Him. I want to be a safe place.

I'm not sure that I'm supposed to be a teacher forever. Sometimes I think that someone else should be in that room, behind that desk. But then I remember that He uses broken things. And if He can make beauty from ashes and light from dark and something from nothing, then what in the world do I have to worry about? His plans for their lives are bigger than my failures. I am so excited about them.

So get ready world. And watch out. Because these kids don't hold back. And they don't slow down. They're brilliant. And that is what I love most about them.