When I was little, I loved watching Matlock. I really believed in him. Everyday he solved cases and fixed problems. And afterward he would go to that hotdog stand and call it a day.

Do you know what stinks? When you choose to believe in real life people. Because. They. Are. Human.

But at the same time. Not believing in anyone would be a very sad life indeed. And that my friends is why forgiveness is so important. That's what I just learned. I love to learn. Except when there's application. Then it just seems like I'm left taking the test over it. For the rest of my life. Hurray.

I needed a Tasha day today. Just to get back in touch. With that mess that's inside of me. SO. I baked a cake. And got my easel out. And did a mountain of laundry. And then ate half of the cake. Relearned an old song. And got paint everywhere. I currently have the worst stomach ache ever. But I refuse to regret the cake. Refuse.

Do you know what I think? I think Jr. Highers have it figured out. I mean, get to the point world. Don't you wish those notes were still being passed to you? The ones with the boxes next to the yes and no.

Bobby likes you. Do you like him? Check yes or no.

Am I doing a good job at work? Check yes or no.

What about my hair. Is it really ok? Check yes or no.

Do I have anything in my teeth? Yes or no.

Check, check, check. And no maybes! Black and white is where it's at.

I went to church today. Point for me. I'm so tired of people quitting. Especially when it comes to church. Really. No excuses. No brush offs. No checking yes or no. No matter how shambled and warbled and watered it is. It's still His. And He moves in the weak places. Through the weak places. So get out of bed.

So I'm sitting in church. Empty seat on my left. Empty seat on my right. And I had to stop myself. Three times. From laying down across my row. And hugging my knees to my chest. And breathing as deeply as possible. It's ok as long as you don't snore. Snoring is taboo in church (dad). I just really felt the urge to rest. Ironic? I think yes. So instead I rested my Spirit. Cheesy? Yes.

BUT not overrated. I whipped my red journal out. Tuned out the sermon (sorry). And poured. And poured. And poured. And then my eyes poured and poured and poured. It was exhausting.

I needed a pick me up. Crunchy leaves are always good for that. Always. So I went on a long, long walk. And had a long, long talk. I like yellow leaves the best.

It sounded something like this: Jesus, I am so ready for heaven. Take me now please. Please? And if not. Give me some love. Because I am fresh out. Thank you.

So now. I have a wet journal. A half eaten cake. Clean smelling laundry. And paint on my toe. Oh, and that stomach ache. Yep, still there.

My painting. Is not pretty. It's actually kind of messy. But it's good. It's my heart. I started off a little angry. So there's a lot of dark. But then I lightened up. I think the cake helped. So I broke the yellow out. It looked cheery for about ten minutes. And then I decided to be honest. And put a big old crack right in the middle of it. Stared at it for a while. Decided that it wouldn't do. So I made a plant growing out of it. A little life.

I'm considering the next phase. It's definitely a work in progress. Thank goodness.