I went on campus today.  To get a feel for it and to figure out where I will be for the next two years.  I sat under a tree in the shade and watched the sidewalks move.

It made me miss my kids.

My mom sent me a message.  I had told her that her dog was driving me crazy with her whining.  She responded right away.

Why is she going crazy?  She needs to be talked to once in a while you know.  And petted.  She's not a hermit like you, she likes people.  And don't forget to feed her.  And yourself.  Have you been eating?

I'll tell you what I've been doing.  I've been staying up late.  Late enough that I know as soon as I lay down, I'll be asleep.  I've been getting up early.  Before my dreams have a chance to go crazy on me.

I've been reading.  And watching movies I loved when I was twelve. 

I figured out how to make chocolate cake in a coffee mug using the microwave.  And I have used a half a tank of gas but I have gone no where.

I laughed in all of the wrong places in church.  And nearly cried when I read Isaiah.

I brought your dead plants back to life.  And taught your dog how to sit and stay.

I've put on a thousand things in the morning only to take them off and slip on a pair of pants and a t-shirt.

And I think what I'm trying to do.  What I am trying desperately to do is this:  I'm trying to find me in the middle of here.

I went on campus today and I had to sit.  Everything around me made me tired.  Their clothes and their hair and their phones.  So tired.

It was all I could do to not sit in the middle of the mall yesterday.  I wanted to sink down and just watch them.  This is who we are?  This is what we do?  Why?

At night my skin feels dry, every part of me misses the water.  And in the morning the air conditioner wakes me up with its roaring.  There's a plug in in my room that is supposed to smell mountain fresh and it burns my throat.

I've forgotten how to be here. 

And your dog is driving me crazy with her whining.