I am laying in bed and my stomach is making the craziest noises.  My heart is thumping the loudest thumps.  And my fingers can not stop twisting my hair.

I wonder if this is how Moses felt when he was on his way back to Egypt.

There are three things that I am completely awful with.  There are lots of things that I am not very good at, but these three are havoc wreaking in my life.

One of them is change.

I drove to my cousins'  house tonight.  It was late and they were on their way to bed, but we went outside.  We sat on the trampoline and I explained to them my change and we sat there and cried for a few minutes.  But then Caleb giggled a little and pretty soon we were bouncing around.  Them in their pajamas and me, me just soaking every second up.

My brother called and talked to me about his change.  We're both in the same place, just miles apart.  Both living with a bit of fear.  Both holding on by our fingertips to faith.  Both about to walk straight into the unknown.

I told him that I knew everything would work.  I just didn't feel it in my heart.

He corrected me.
Your mind is the one that is doubting Tasha.  But it's your heart that knows.  It's your heart that you should listen to.


I think I've been making a mistake.  I've been equating peace with a lack of feelings.  But that doesn't make sense to me any more.  I think peace is rawer than that, less refined.  I think maybe peace is that ability to look fear right in its face and to keep on walking.  To keep on walking with purpose.  Straight into the unknown.